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Discipline Strategies

Children need help to live within the limits you've established. Consequences that help your child understand his behavior and learn to control himself work best, beginning in toddler hood.

Young toddlers, kids from age 1 to 2, often need only consistent verbal reminders to discontinue a misbehavior or to follow a preferred behavior. Often, a firm, "No," along with a change of scene, is all it takes to get a toddler to understand what is expected. For instance, the 1-year-old who tosses sand in the playground needs to be reminded of the rule and, if the misbehavior is repeated, to be removed from the playground. This routine may have to be repeated before it becomes effective.

Time-outs involve removing your child from a situation in which he is misbehaving and giving him the opportunity to calm down. Used wisely, time-outs can be very effective, from the age of or so through the preschool years. Time-outs are most effective when used to help an overexcited child regain self-control. By removing your child from the source of stimulation, you give him a chance to refocus his energy away from the misbehavior to a more positive behavior. In most situations, only a few minutes or even seconds are enough for your child to calm down. Time-outs do not have to mean banishment. You can designate a corner of the room you're in as a time-out location. It doesn't have to be the same place every time. Set an alarm clock or oven timer for a few minutes, telling him that when the buzzer sounds, the time-out is over. Make sure your child understands the reason for the time-out. Speak calmly so that your child knows you're serious, but not angry. He is likely to respond more to your tone than to your words, so yelling may make the situation even worse. Reassure him that you still love him.

Longer time-outs are less effective as they give your child time to become resentful and for his anger to fester instead of abate. Short time-outs also give you a chance to calm down. Then you can be a model for your child on how to get back on track. Time-outs can also be used as a preventative measure. Some- times you can tell when your child is about to lose control by the tone of her voice or the look in her eyes This is the ideal time to call a time out. Then take your child to a more peaceful environment. When he calms down, acknowledge that you notice the difference in his attitude. Tell him he's doing a good job, and ask if he's ready to go back to what he was doing. When used too often and for every infraction, time-outs lose their effectiveness, so use this teaching tool judiciously.

Helping a child connect a misbehavior to a consequence is effective with children age 3 and older. When possible, choose consequences that are related to the misbehavior so that your child learns to connect the "crime" to the punishment. If your child balks at wearing his seat belt, arrange for him to stay home while you go out. When he's hurtful to a friend, help him find ways to make amends and teach him to apologize. Be sure your child understands how misbehavior is linked to a consequence and to follow through. If, for instance, the issue you're responding to is wearing a helmet when riding a trike, your child needs to know that you require him to don a helmet each time he takes his tricycle for a spin. If he forgets, simply remind him. If he balks, tell him what the consequences will be, such as not allowing him to ride his bike for the remainder of the day. If he then rides without his helmet, follow through and put the trike away without further discussion. Speak firmly and clearly and without anger.

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